So, your spouse has decided to go to law school. First of all, this is amazing! Second of all, your life is about to change. Law school is incredible but if you are going to support your significant other, you may begin to wonder what life is going to be like for you over the next three years. Well, these are my law school tips for you as you become a law school spouse.
I’ve decided to split this up into two parts. Part 1 is about your partner, the law student. Part 2 is about you, the partner. This post is part two, the partner. When I first told people about my husband’s decision to go to law school, I heard phrases such as “law widow” or “I’m worried you’re going to be so lonely” or “wow you’re brave for letting him do that”. I am here to settle all of the worries and fears that you have and hopefully give you the guidance with these law school tips that I desperately looked for in preparation for this.
Before the law school tips…
I want to begin with some advice. The next three years will be as good or as miserable as you both make it. Law school is not for the faint of heart for both the student and the partner. However, you don’t have to sacrifice your relationship or your happiness because of it. Your life doesn’t have to be put on hold. Your career doesn’t have to be put on hold. You can live a great life while your partner is in school. Life will look different than before but that doesn’t mean it can’t be filled with fun, laughter and happiness.
I encourage you to embrace this new season of life and find the joys that it will bring. You are going to have a lot of adjustments but there will be good things that happen, I promise. You may just find your new best friends or fall in love with a city that you never thought you would live in. These next three years have the opportunity to change your life in an incredible way. So, with that being said, these are my law school tips for spouses.
Law School Tips for the Spouse: the partner
Law School Tips #1
Admit when you are struggling
This one is so important because you are going to have a lot of adjustments. Whether you are adjusting from undergrad and living with your partner in a new city or leaving a job and city to move and adjust where they are going to school, there is going to be significant change in your life. It is important to voice when you are really struggling with something.
When we first moved, I didn’t have a job lined up. We moved over 1,000 miles away from friends and family so I was very isolated. We tried meeting other couples to be friends with but we didn’t meet any right away. I struggled a lot with missing friends and wondering what my purpose was outside of taking care of my husband. It took me a while to admit to him that I was struggling because I didn’t want to add to his stress. This didn’t help either one of us.
If you can make the adjustment of moving for them to go to school, they can handle the moments when you are struggling. I will encourage you to be honest with them even if you’re scared it will add to their stress. Don’t tell them if you are angry or that you are trying to hurt them with your words. Make sure that you are telling them because you need help or need some time with them.
Law School Tips #2
Find a community
The best thing that you can do is find a community for yourself. Law school brings so much reading and you are going to have a lot of time to yourself. It’s important that you have people you can hang out with when you are bored and your partner doesn’t have time for you. Of course it is important to find a community for both of you, however, you will have a lot of time to yourself so you need a community that you can reach out to when your partner is busy with school.
This can be a group of other partners and spouses that are in the same position as you are. When we moved, I planned on starting a book club with other spouses that were here so that we would all have a time to look forward to with people who understood what each of us was going through. When I didn’t find anyone else who was in the same situation as I was, I struggled finding a community.
I eventually found friends through work and reconnected with a friend from high school who lives in Tucson. Eventually we found another married couple in the law school and have grown close to them. Don’t be discouraged if it takes some time. I am still looking for more friends that I can spend time with when school gets busy. You can look at church, other grad programs within the school, or even facebook groups around town (always make sure these are real and safe before meeting someone).
Why find a community?
One of the most important law school tips is to find a community. Having a community throughout the next three years will help you so much. It’s so important not to isolate yourself or spend a lot of time alone if you don’t enjoy that. Finding friends for these three years can help create some incredible memories and friendships. I encourage you to get out there and meet some new friends!
Law School Tips #3
Take Care of Yourself
You are about to take care of your partner while they spend a lot of time studying and getting through law school. But you can’t take care of anyone if you aren’t taking care of yourself as well. Out of all of the law school tips, this one is the most important for you specifically. It is important that you don’t forget about your well being.
If you are an active person, continue working out and exercising. Don’t let the stress of your situation take that away from you. If you eat healthy, continue making healthy meals for both of you to eat. Whatever it is that is important to you, make sure that you continue those habits.
Like I mentioned in part 1, law school can be taxing in a lot of ways and one of them is physically. Getting sick can take a toll on either of you and while it’s not always preventable, if you are taking care of yourself, both of you should be able to heal and bounce back quickly.
Law School Tips #4
Don’t resent your partner
This one is very important. Whether you are struggling with the move or you are struggling half way through the program, don’t resent your partner for going back to school. If you do, you have a lot of things that you need to work through both personally and with your spouse.
It is important that you made this decision together. It’s very easy to throw the situation or the hardships in their face when you are struggling or fighting. I struggle with this sometimes and it is very normal. I have a few things that I do when I begin to feel any anger, frustration or resentment toward my husband.
When you get to a point where you feel like you are upset with them, remind yourself of all of the good things that will come from this. I remind myself that he isn’t doing this just for him. This education will help set us and our future family up for a better life in the future. This exercise helps put things into perspective when I’m feeling frustrated with him or with school.
If you find yourself resenting your partner for this change, look deeper into the situation. Did you only agree to this to make them happy? Were you not on board with this decision but did it anyway? Whatever the reason, I encourage you to talk to someone about it who isn’t your partner or spouse. Talk to someone who can be an objective third party and help walk you through this in a healthy way. If you can, don’t let this come between the two of you.
Law School Tips #5
Be Proud of Them
This one is all about your partner. It is important to be proud of them and the job that they are doing. Law School is so difficult and there is always something that they are working toward. The first semester is about adjusting and learning how law school works. The second semester is the same but add the stress of finding a summer internship and fighting for Law Review. The second year starts with finding next summer’s internship right after they just finished their first summer internship. If they made law review, add that to their list of responsibilities on top of classes. The third year is all about securing a job, keeping your grades up and getting ready for the Bar.
That is just the tip of the ice burg of responsibilities and stressors that your partner is going through. I don’t tell you that to scare you. It’s quite the opposite actually. I tell you that because it is important that you see all of this as their full time job of becoming a lawyer. It is such a taxing process that they are enduring. How can you not be proud of them?
I have been so incredibly proud of my husband. It started during the LSAT process. Watching him study for it, taking the test and getting his scores back was incredible. Then, seeing the stress of applying to school, writing his personal statement, waiting months to hear back and then choosing between schools was wild! Going through this process is crazy and if you have the opportunity to walk through it with them, it is stressful but also fun.
Be proud of the commitment
Be proud of your partner and what they are achieving. Law school is so hard and the fact that they are pushing themselves to do it is so good. You can be mad at them and resent them or you can encourage them and be proud of what they are doing in their life. Not only is law school hard but it is a commitment. It takes a lot of grit and determination to get through. I encourage you to be proud and encourage them through the process.
Law School Tips #6
Find a hobby
I began this blog when we moved and I didn’t have a job. I needed something to spend my time on and the things I used to do such as exercising, cooking or reading only took up so much of my day. Blogging helped me focus on something to keep me occupied while I waited on a new job.
If you have the time, start a blog or find a hobby that can help you have something to focus on. It will help teach you something which then will help you feel more inspired in other aspects of your life. This blog has helped me explore more of Tucson, try new foods, and learn more about the city that we now call home. I never would have done half of these things if it weren’t for the blog!
Whether it is something that earns money or keeps you entertained, finding a hobby or a new habit can be extremely helpful over the next three years! It will help you find joy and a sense of purpose in your new city and outside of your partner. If you are creative, start an Etsy shop or a blog or a small business. If you enjoy fitness, you can join a running or biking group in town. Get involved with the school or church and volunteer however you can. There are so many different ways to occupy your time while also having fun!
Law School Tips #7
Get a pet
This one seems silly and I totally understand that. However, having a dog or cat can be an incredible thing that helps you adjust. We got Ellie, our golden retriever, two months before we moved. It was more for me because I wanted to have a friend wherever we moved. I had also been asking for a dog for two years at this point and figured this was my chance to finally get one, haha!
I will say, this one is not a necessity. Getting a pet is a lot of responsibility both emotionally and financially. So, if money is tight or you really don’t have the time, don’t get a pet. We were fortunate to both be working when we got Ellie and were able to work through all of her puppy vet appointments before we moved. We definitely have to work around her sometimes but the joy she has brought to our lives is 100% worth it.
Ellie has helped both of us in different ways. She is a companion to me when I am by myself and my husband is at the library or locked away in our office. She helps my husband when he is really stressed with school. We get out of the house so much more than we would if we didn’t have a dog. We walk her on campus and around our neighborhood where people love to stop and say hello which helps us interact with people around town.
Animals bring a love that is unmatched
I know it sounds funny, but animals have a way of helping us when we are down. They love you unconditionally and don’t like it when we are upset. They can help bring you both together and bring joy to your day. There are many times that I don’t want to do anything but Ellie brings me her ball and all it takes is 10 minutes of playing fetch with her to turn my day around. If you can make it work, I would recommend getting a pet!
In Conclusion
As I stated before, these next three years will be as good or as hard as you make them. Look forward to the new and exciting things that are in store for you and make them bigger than the hardships that scare you. Admit when you are struggling and make time for yourself and your partner over the next three years.
As someone who has been in your shoes, and is currently watching her husband begin his second year of law school, I am here to tell you that it is not the end of the world or the end of your relationship. It’s not always easy but it has been a lot of fun! Embrace the new. Embrace the struggle and embrace the opportunity to grow closer with your partner!